


Of Hot Dogs and Wonder Wheels (the Forget About the Cyclone Remix)

by EachPeachPearPlum



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Coney Island, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-War, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Remix, Requited Unrequited Love, Stucky Remix 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23394265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EachPeachPearPlum/pseuds/EachPeachPearPlum
Summary: There are moments where Bucky wonders if Steve might be like him. If perhaps there’s a tiny possibility that Steve thinks about men the same way Bucky does, the way the world says they’re supposed to think about women. If there is the tiniest, most remote chance Steve could think that way about him.It’s pure wishful thinking, Bucky knows that. He loves Steve, wants him, and it’s colouring the way he interprets all his interactions with him, has him seeing things that aren’t there. He's never going to tell Steve, and that's all there is to it.So, really, he has no idea why they’re here, sitting in a car at the top of the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island, Bucky having just announced that he’s in love with Steve.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 16
Kudos: 91
Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020, Peach’s BBB 2020 works, Stucky Remix 2020





	Of Hot Dogs and Wonder Wheels (the Forget About the Cyclone Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tonks22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonks22/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Of Cyclones and Hot Dogs](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/575368) by Tonks2008. 



> Much gratitude to D and to G for the beta. Thank you, guys.
> 
> Tonks, I hope you like this. Your ficlet thing was really good, but also sort of a punch in the face, so I hope it's okay that I've put a happy spin on it instead. Love and kisses, your remixer.
> 
> Post-reveals, so here is my Bucky Barnes bingo fill information:  
> Title: Of Hot Dogs and Wonder Wheels (the Forget About the Cyclone Remix)  
> Collaborator: eachpeachpearplum  
> Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23394265  
> Square Filled: Y4 - friends to lovers  
> Ship/Main Pairing: Steve/Bucky  
> Rating: T  
> Major Tags/Warnings: Pre-war, confessions, fluff  
> Summary: There are moments where Bucky wonders if Steve might be like him. If perhaps there’s a tiny possibility that Steve thinks about men the same way Bucky does, the way the world says they’re supposed to think about women. If there is the tiniest, most remote chance Steve could think that way about him.  
> It’s pure wishful thinking, Bucky knows that. He loves Steve, wants him, and it’s colouring the way he interprets all his interactions with him, has him seeing things that aren’t there. He's never going to tell Steve, and that's all there is to it.  
> So, really, he has no idea why they’re here, sitting in a car at the top of the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island, Bucky having just announced that he’s in love with Steve.  
> Word Count: 1706

“I’m in love with you.”

It’s not something Bucky meant to say, not now and not ever. He’s loved Steve longer than he can remember, can’t imagine a time when he won’t love him, and that’s just a fact of his existence, but he has never planned on saying anything. 

Sometimes, he's thought maybe Steve already knows, but if he does, he's never said anything, and Bucky thinks maybe that's a good thing. If he already knows, Bucky doesn't have to worry about him finding out and feeling too uncomfortable to stay friends with him, and the fact that he's never said anything means Bucky isn’t wasting his time wondering if Steve might have feelings for him in return. If Steve liked him, he’d have said something because, unlike Bucky, Steve isn’t capable of fear.

Except sometimes, Bucky wonders.

Sometimes he’ll be going about his life, washing dishes or picking up some of the mess he's left around their apartment or helping Steve with dinner, and he'll glance over to see Steve looking at him. Just looking, this soft, little smile on his face, and then when he realises Bucky’s noticed him watching he’ll go back to what he was doing like nothing ever happened. Or when Steve’s been sick, Bucky’ll get home to find him cooking even though the idiot isn’t supposed to be out of bed, just so Bucky doesn’t have to make dinner after a long day at work. Or nights when Bucky stumbles in drunk and dishevelled from an evening of dancing and pretending to be normal and Steve will be sitting on their crappy, uncomfortable couch waiting for him to get back, his expression not so much disapproving as… disappointed, maybe. Or-

Well, there are moments where Bucky wonders if Steve might be like him. If perhaps there’s a tiny possibility that Steve thinks about men the same way Bucky does, the way the world says they’re supposed to think about women. If there is the tiniest, most remote chance Steve could think that way about him.

It’s pure wishful thinking, Bucky knows that. He loves Steve, wants him, and that’s colouring the way he interprets all his interactions with him, has him seeing things that aren’t there.

So, no, he’s not planning on saying anything to Steve, because the best case scenario is that Steve knows but doesn’t feel the same and the worst case scenario is that Steve doesn’t know and finding out will ruin their friendship.

If Steve doesn’t know and Bucky tells him, he might not want to live with him anymore. He might refuse Bucky’s help when he tries to take care of him when he’s sick, or reject Bucky’s attempts to support them both when Steve is out of work. He might put himself at risk to get away from Bucky.

Bucky knows that there’s nothing wrong with him, that being made differently doesn’t mean he’s damaged or disgusting or anything else people think about men like him. He accepts who and what he is, and Steve is a good guy, maybe even the best guy, so he’s not going to think any less of Bucky for wanting men instead of women, but… but there’s a very big difference between Steve knowing Bucky is attracted to men in general and him knowing Bucky is attracted to him specifically, and Bucky desperately doesn’t want Steve to be uncomfortable around him.

So, really, he has no idea why they’re here, sitting in a car at the top of the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island, Bucky having just announced that he’s in love with Steve.

The sky is trapped in those few seconds between day and night, the first stars just starting to appear, and what seems like all of New York is blazing bright at their feet. It seems so small from up here, this huge, sprawling metropolis Bucky has spent his whole life in and still not seen all of, and perhaps that's why he says it. If the only place he’s ever known is so tiny he can see all of it from this hardly significant height, maybe his fears are just as small, just as insignificant.

Maybe he’s just an idiot.

They’re in one of the fixed outer cars (after the Cyclone incident, Bucky decided it wasn’t a great idea to go in anything that moves too much), just the two of them, and it sways slightly in the breeze as Steve gawps at him, apparently completely nonplussed by this information.

Worryingly, Bucky thinks he’s probably gawping stupidly right back at him.

“You’re what?”

“I didn’t mean to say that!” Bucky exclaims, because that’s literally the only thing his brain wants to provide him with.

Steve’s open mouth closes with an audible click, and he blinks once before saying, “So you’re not in love with me?”

Part of Bucky goes _phew_ (as in, he’s pretty sure he actually hears himself mentally exhale in relief), but apparently the part of him that is relieved to have the opportunity to escape this situation is not the part that controls his mouth, so what he says aloud is, “No, I am, I just never wanted to tell you.”

“Oh,” Steve answers. “Why not?”

 _Because I didn’t think you’d want me to stick around if you knew_ , Bucky thinks, _and I want more than anything to keep you safe. Because you’re my best friend, and the most important person on Earth to me. Because I can’t imagine my life without you in it, and just trying makes me feel like I’m cutting away a part of myself._

_Because I don’t want to lose you, I would happily have loved you in silence for as long as I live, and I have no idea why I just ruined everything by telling you._

Bucky shrugs.

“Oh,” Steve repeats softly, then tilts his sharp chin up a little, all guts and determination, the way he always is. “You think maybe it’s the same reason I didn’t want to tell you either?”

“Oh,” Bucky manages, after what is probably too long. “You mean that?”

“I mean it,” Steve says, his hand darting out, wrapping around Bucky’s where it rests on the seat between them and, just like that, they’re holding hands.

It’s not something new, in that Bucky’s spent plenty of time when Steve’s been sick clinging to his hands and praying that this bout of pneumonia won’t be the one that kills him, except it’s also really, really new, because that is nothing like this.

This is Steve’s hand on his, for no reason other than that they both want to hold hands. Steve wants to hold his hand, up here in the sky with all of New York City at their feet, the two of them alone in their bubble and the world too far away to hurt.

Steve loves him back.

Bucky is absolutely certain that he’s grinning like an idiot, but Steve is grinning every bit as stupidly, so Bucky doesn’t make any effort at all to suppress it.

“Guess it’s a good thing I told you, then,” he drawls with every ounce of bravado he can muster. Steve sees right through it, the same way he so often sees right through Bucky’s bullshitting, but all he does is shake his head a little, so it really doesn't much matter.

And then he glances out the window at the car behind them before leaning in, quick as a flash. His hand fists in Bucky’s shirt, putting in wrinkles one or the other of them is going to have to iron out later, not that worrying about that is anything close to a priority when Steve is pulling him close.

For a moment it's awkward, and apparently Steve was expecting Bucky to be less budgeable than he is because they come into contact in a way that makes Bucky’s nose squish in a way he's not entirely sure it's supposed to, but then Steve tilts his head one way and Bucky tilts his the other, and-

Well.

Steve's lips are dry and a little chapped, but they're also warm and soft and-

And they're in a public place, high enough up to be out of sight for the moment but that’s not going to last, someone might see them, and Bucky can deal with the consequences if it's just him but not Steve, never Steve, that's not something he can ever let happen, not ever, and-

“Hey,” Steve says, pulling back. “Breathe, Buck. No one can see us.”

“Yeah,” Bucky answers shakily, squeezing Steve’s hand, taking comfort when Steve squeezes right back. “Just- Not now, okay? I don't want you to get hurt because of me.”

“I know, Buck,” Steve tells him softly. “I don't want you to get hurt because of me, either.”

Bucky nods, giving Steve's hand a final squeeze before letting go. He doesn't say that he won't get hurt and Steve doesn't need to worry about him, because then Steve will do the same, and they've had enough arguments about Steve's complete lack of self-preservation for Bucky to know how badly a conversation like that is going to go.

“It's only not now, though,” he says instead. “We’ll talk about it when we get home, right?”

“We will,” Steve agrees. He leans back in his seat again, looking out of the car like there's something deeply fascinating out there, but his smile is small and secretive, private; before today Bucky would have said he’s seen every single one of Steve’s smiles, but he’s never seen this one.

Steve has always been beautiful to Bucky, even when pneumonia has had him at death’s door or a stupid fight has left him dripping blood from half a dozen different grazes, but this moment, this smile… It makes this feel real, even more than Steve kissing him did.

“You really mean it, don’t you?” Bucky says, too caught up in the wonder of it to think before speaking.

“I really do,” Steve answers, fingers pressing briefly against Bucky’s knee, and then he nods over Bucky’s shoulder, where the ground is rapidly approaching them. “C’mon, Buck,” he says, smiling that private smile again, their private smile. “Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at [dreaminglypeach](https://dreaminglypeach.tumblr.com/), where I would love to talk to you, whoever you may be x


End file.
